Hello...I'm peeping in from behind the door...its been 3years since I have been on this little corner of my world...and I'm a bit scared to just pop back up after such a long time but with the encouragement of friends and family here I am so here goes...❤

I have just deleted 3 drafts that I had started over the last few years but just couldn't find the words I was looking for and I'm not altogether sure I can now but I will try not to ramble too much in this first part as it may be a little boring but I'm going to try and explain my feelings...

As in the last few posts I did you will know we moved home and I was so excited and there was much to do...so I know I got caught up with all the work we were doing in the garden as the house had to wait until the funds were available...the work in the garden was hard as it was so overgrown and I got overwhelmed with the amount of work, totally underestimated it to be honest and because things were so overgrown the only way to deal with it was to strip it back to basics and then I hated it! I just couldn't find my way and I felt a slave to the garden...it was very much in control of me instead of the other way around...the weeding was relentless...I called myself a weeder rather than a gardener haha 😂...so the first year was hard and I began to feel that I couldn't do this, I wasn't capable...

All this time we were living in one room, eating, sleeping and living in one room...we didn't expect it to be long...we were in the process of selling our flat and that was stressful too, it sold 3 times, fell through twice but eventually it was sold to a lovely couple and I was so pleased that they have it but it took an age...then of course COVID hit and we went into lockdown...we just managed to get the completion through on the sale just as things were escalating thankfully...so lockdown the first time I didn't find too bad really, we had plenty of jobs to do and we already had all the materials to do the jobs, the sun was shining, I knew I just had to keep busy and I would be ok...watching the news everyday got to me, seeing all these people dying and fearing for the safety of my friends and family...once things started to ease, I, like most people I think  thought we were through the worst and we could get back to some normality...but it wasn't to be was it...

With all the pandemic, lockdowns, worry about family, trying to adapt to a new way of living...I felt I was going into freefall...a downward spiral of anxiety...I didn't feel good enough, I felt nothing I did was enough, I hated myself and all my thoughts and ideas and everything I did...along with all these feelings I knew I had nothing to complain about really, there were people much, much worse off than me, so I didn't even feel I could express anything as even that felt wrong too... 

There was a light on the horizon...we found a lovely builder to come and do the work we needed doing to create a bedroom and ensuite...this will lift my spirits I thought, I will have a bedroom and a bathroom and my lounge can eventually be done, I will be able to have my Christmas Tree up! haha...

the building work was a triumph (I will share this with you in another post)...it felt so good to have a separate room to sleep in and a living room...it was brilliant I was so grateful for it...but the feelings of self worth didn't get better...I think I made them worse by comparing my interiors and ideas with those on Instagram, I fell down the Insta rabbit hole, everyone's perfect homes, perfect décor, collaborations, free items they were receiving...so again I felt useless as my home looked nowhere near as good (I will write more about this topic in future posts) depression had set in...so another year passed me by...I was approaching my 60th birthday...oh crap! I decided the only way to deal with it was to have a party, everyone including me had missed social contact and now we were allowed again and garden party was on the agenda...

My birthday was amazing! My friends and family spoilt me so much, I was totally overwhelmed in a good way this time...beautiful cards, beautiful presents and so lovely to able to be with everyone and this was a bit of turning point...I remember crying the day after my birthday because I didn't think anyone really liked me and my party showed me that was wrong, I was liked, I was loved and I was good enough...It was a slow process, and I'm not going to lie some days were hard still...some days I wish I'd  never set sight on Songbird Cottage but by the start of 2022 I could feel a change, I felt more positive, and I began to think I was an ok person after all...hence why I am here again in this little corner...I'm doing this blog, Instagram etc. for me...to remember things and I hope that the blog lasts forever so my daughter and grandchildren can hear my voice when they read the words long into the future...

This is not only for my friends, but for my family too...my friends are part of my family

thank you for being there 💗

So, a bit long winded and there's lots of other "stuff" I could write about, but even I'm getting bored of listening to myself now haha...but if anyone else is feeling the same, my advice would be...don't listen to the news, its just doom and gloom, they've never got any good news, don't fall down the Insta rabbit hole reality is much different, share how you are feeling, don't bottle it up and if needs be get some help 💗

Ok back to the nice things that I want to talk about on here...crochet, crafting, gardening, interiors, cooking and much more...

~CROCHET~

Haven't done a lot of crochet in the 3 years I've been off here...but I did make this towards the end of last year...there is a new baby arriving this year so this is for the new baby boy...

I wanted to use contemporary colours as its for young, modern parents...totally in love with the colour combination...which I put together from my colour palette board on Pinterest and the stitch was a new one for me but I love it, it makes such a lovely squishy, soft blanket 😀

I made these as Christmas presents...such fun to make and quick...its that stitch again! Its one of my favourite stitches now..

~CRAFTING~

Not a jot!! So I thought Id just share my new magazine subscription...its called 'Landscape' its such a beautiful mag filled with lovely little quotes, great photos and its a really good read...covers all my favourite topics...Country, Heritage, Gardens, Cookery, Travel, Craft

~COOKING~

Again not much to post about...I really have been a complete ray of sunshine haven't I 😆

I made my first cake of the year the other weekend, a lemon curd sponge...something light after all the Christmas food

I made these platters for my birthday party...along with pizzas on the BBQ and wonderful samosa that our neighbour bought with them...so yummy 😋

~INTERIORS~

I will catch up with everything that has been done in follow up posts but for now these are my favourite corners of the lounge...the wall unit was purchased off Marketplace from a lovely lady who had had it her family for many years...I love it and it fitted perfectly in the spot I had in mind...It houses all my buddha's and foo dogs 

~GARDEN~

Lots has happened in the garden and as before I'll catch you up with progress over the next few posts for now...

ice from the bird bath...

cute little ducks made in the snow...I made lots of these and put them on the wall out the front...I loved seeing people picking them up and taking them home with them 💗

snowdrops have just started to appear and the hellebores are flowering...

I'm trying to grow moss balls but I have a feeling that they will disappear when the blackbirds find them during nest building scavenging 😏

So, apologies for the really long post...but I sound a little more like me now...I read through some old posts towards the end of last year and I didn't recognise the person who had wrote them...but hopefully she's back and I can move forward...I hope to post at least once a month...so until next time 

bye for now...have a fabulous week and enjoy everything you do 😍